Mirror Mirror on the Wall

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Created on Thursday, 22 December 2011 17:11

Mirrors are important. It's sad that at the age of 36 I'm barely learning this. All my life I've had a mirror, one way or another, available to use. My mom always said I was a handsome kid, so I was fond of confirming that in the mirror (come to think about it, she was the only one that would say that ... hmmm...).

Well, the cells at this prison lack many things, and mirrors are one of those many things. So for men like me, who are fond of looking in a mirror (just kidding), we go by "feel". If I "feel" like I look okay, then I must. I wash, shave, and brush my teeth, so I must be looking okay ... right?

Sadly, I learned that my "feel-er" is very broken. For ten full days I walked to chow. Visited the doctor's office. Participated at the "Christian circle." And even spoke to the captain, asking him for a clerk's job.

Every day I was confident that the "handsome kid" was looking just right. Nobody seemed to say differently ... until a good friend and brother in the Lord pulled me to the side and said I looked "crazy."

Huh!? "What do you mean?" I asked him. He told me that words could not begin to describe the horror I sported on my face.

"I'll send you my acryllic mirror for a day, you'll see what I am talking about" he said as he gently and softly patted my hand, as if comforting me over the bad news.

About an hour later a 3 x 5 acryllic mirror was slid under my cell door. I jumped up, picked it up, ran under our horrible light ... and ... SCREAMED!

Oh my! My face was dry and looked like a very old inside of a kitter litter box. Small patches of dry skin clumped in semi-circles around my forehead, cheeks and neck. A weird 1/4 inch long hair grew out of the top of my nose, like a unicorn. Thick dark clumps of hair shot out like roots searching for water from the inside of my nose. My lips were more than chapped (which I already knew), they were slplit in so many areas I looked like I'd been in the middle of a desert for years.

And to top it off, somehow even with every other day shavings, I managed to miss a spot on my neck. A patch of hair that was mysteriously shaped in a heart. (Now I understood why all the gay guys would give me googley eyes).

I was horrified. I sat on my bunk, mirror in hand, and said goodbye to the handsome kid I thougt I once was.

Since then, I've borrowed the mirror every other day to make sure I'm not scary-looking, but at least human. However, all this made me think of our spiritual selves.

In the book of James, he tells us that we must be doers of the Word. Because if we do not do as the Word says, it's like looking in the mirror, seeing the ugly and just walking away without doing anything about it.

Well since I've yet to receive my property, I have not been able to get my hands on my Bibles – English and Spanish. but I was "feeling" okay about it. I knew enough about the word to go a few long days without reading His Word. I "felt" I was being friendly, kind, loving, not-selfish – basically, the perfect Christian to all those around me. However, the mirror "incident" made me think about my spiritual self.

So I asked around to see who could afford to let me borrow a Bible (until I receive my own). After asking a handful of men, I found a brother who had two and could let me use one. A few hours later he sent it to my door.

Once I finally got my hands on it, I started to read it as I would normally do. Some strange reason (most likely that awesome Holy Spirit within me) led me to read 2 Corinthians chapter 6. Ouch! Then I had the weirdest desire to read 1st John chapters 1 & 2. double ouch!

It went on like this for about three hours. After looking at the Word (my spiritual mirror) for three hours, when I was done, all I could do was sit back on my bunk and weep. Weep because I was now seeing how I was failing others. Allowing my "feelings" to guide me, instead of the Word. For even thinking that I was "holy" enough to live a single day without reading His Word – the mirror of my real life. What pride and ego I had.

I'm sure glad Father loves me enough – even though I don't deserve it – to cause me to be "physically ugly" to get my attention about my "spiritual ugly." I'm also glad He used the men he used to let me borrow their mirrors. Because without them, I would have continued to strut my stuff all day long. Ewww ... what an ugly sight that would have been. Thank you Jesus for smacking the "ugly" off me – spiritually (He is still working on the physical. "Smack harder Jesus, get this ugly off me!").

So I leave you with this: If you have not made it part of your daily schedule to look in the spiritual mirror (reading the Word), you're probably walking around in a horrible state of ugly, yet "feeling" pretty. Don't let your feeling fool you. Pick up the mirror and look at it, you will be surprised at what you just might find. I know I did.

Still working on the nose hair ...
Adrian G. Torres